In January 2013, at the close of an exhausting five-day intensive with Dr. Doug Weiss in Colorado Springs Colorado, he asked me a question I had absolutely no idea how to answer. “So what’s your plan B Kathy?” To which I so eloquently responded, “My what?” He went on, “You’ve been waiting a long time for him to come riding in on his white horse, and he hasn’t shown up yet… He still could, but what if he doesn’t? What will you do to support yourself and your son?” There it was. The one question I never wanted to consider. For 17 years, I had been a stay-at-home-wife and mother and I loved it! I volunteered at my children’s schools, sporting events, and our church. The thought of having to give that up to work a full-time job terrified me. It also ushered in another level of grief I had not yet considered. I went on to answer his perplexing question, “I have no idea. All I have ever wanted to be was a wife and a mother. I cannot imagine doing anything else.” He asked me if I would consider doing something to help other women like myself. Women who wake up one day only to discover a tsunami has crashed into their innocent world, leveling what was once a familiar life. On that day, the world as they knew it, will NEVER be the same again. Dr. Doug went on to tell me more about Coaching Partners of Sex Addicts and how he believed I would serve this underserved population well. I tucked the thought neatly away in my cluttered brain and went back home to Texas.
The next two years were consumed with trauma and grief over the discovery of my husband’s addiction and resulting divorce. Suddenly I found myself in a vulnerable position where I had no choice but to face the reality that I would have to go back to work. I remembered the conversation with Dr. Doug and began to seriously explore Coaching. It did not take long for me to realize this was an answer to prayer for me. Coaching was appealing for many reasons:
It allowed me to work from home and still be a mom.
It allowed me to give back by helping others cope with the trauma of sexual addiction.
I could pursue my growing passion to raise awareness of the dangers of pornography and sexual addiction.
In 2015, I attended The Center for Coaching Certification to become a Certified Professional Coach. I also received specialized training through an organization called, The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS), where I trained under the supervision of Barbara Steffens, author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse. APSATS, advocates for ethical care and relational healing for partners, addicts, families and communities impacted by sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Shortly after completing my training, I launched Recalibrate Coaching and I have been working with partners and couples ever since. In October of 2015, after being divorced for almost three grueling years, my husband and I reconciled. On August 21, 2016, in a private ceremony with our children, my husband and I remarried. It was a very special day I will treasure forever.